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Humor for the hour... (Missed one? View the last 48 wits of humor)
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Quips From Late Night

"A few weeks after U.S. troops dropped two 500-pound surprises on al-Zarqawi, the White House dropped a 190-pound surprise on U.S. troops in the form of a presidential visit. Said the Iraqi prime minister to the president, 'If I knew you were coming, I'd have built an infrastructure'" --Jon Stewart

"The White House planned the whole trip in total secrecy. The prime minister of Iraq was not told. The press was not told. Even President Bush was not told. In fact when he got off the plane in Baghdad he said, 'Boy, Arizona is hot.'" --Jay Leno

"This is weird. The state of Texas has put webcams on the Mexican border so people can sit at their home computers and look for illegal aliens trying to cross into the U.S. The website is free, but it costs $5 if you want the illegal aliens to talk dirty to you." --Conan O'Brien

"Here's something bizarre. This is absolutely true. They say when investigators were going through the rubble they found women's lingerie -- a leopard teddy. So apparently al-Zarqawi's not only a member of al Qaeda, he was a member of al-Kinky." --Jay Leno

"The Iraqi terror mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead. Warm up the virgins. ... His successor is Abu Hamza al-Muhajer and if anything happens to that guy? Russell Crowe." --David Letterman

"Last week the U.S. eliminated Iraq's number one terrorist, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. This week al Qaeda announced his successor, Abu Hamza al-Muhajer. When asked why they chose him, an al Qaeda spokesperson said, 'We have a lot of leftover stationary that says, From the Desk of Abu.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Al Gore has a movie about global warming. It's called An Inconvenient Truth. It's doing surprisingly well at the box office. Even though it's only playing on like 80 screens, it actually broke the 'Top Ten' list. I guess when you have charisma like Al Gore has, people flock to you" --Jimmy Kimmel

"In a recent interview, Al Gore's wife, Tipper, said she would support her husband if he decided to run for president again. And she said, 'There's no way I'm sitting through his movie.'" --Conan O'Brien

Joke number 3696 

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